My Cracked Feet

Being a professional who belongs to the elite print industry will draw a very sophisticated image of me in front of many (I guess!). Actually I am quite an untidy person when compared with the societal norms of playing role of a girl. I realize the fact that spending, in a way is the only rescue to my present condition. It can save me from looking the way I look, mismanaged. Spending on myself will actually make me a whitey- tidy girl whom guys would like to date (again I guess!). Yeah, 22 yet single that is me! Anyways that is not the issue. The issue is spending even 1/4^th (or whatever part) of what we spend on clothes, saloons, spas etc. can actually help someone in filling his stomach or educating himself.

Why I am writing this article is because I myself feel abashed. What to choose, between the grooming standards of today and the almost cracked segment of our society?

I have been meeting a very beautiful and courageous lady from past 5 months. She is 25 years old with three kids, an alcoholic husband whom she left behind. Sadly this brought her back to her family who work hard to make sure that she should not live peacefully. Why? Simple reason she is a girl and now not just a liability but also a stain on the family name. She lives with her younger brother just to fulfill the ‘Male Protection’ regulation of our society. This brother treats her like a trash, beats her in front of anyone at any point of time. Still she is struggling hard to feed and teach her children well. But in the salary of just 4k she hardly manages to feed her children properly. Witnessing all this first hand made me think on how we know what is the meaning of poverty but seldom do we realize what it actually means???

I know that this sounds like an age old story and I am just being emotional. I’ll not deny this. But just because millions among us share the same story and we cannot change everyone, should this stop us from doing what we can do even for one? I don’t think so.

I have decided to be a human and help her till the day I can. Honestly, even I don’t earn a very handsome amount. Belong to the middle segment of the lifestyle economics table. But the lesson which I have learnt in these 5 months is very precious. ‘In order to bring change you don’t need a 5-6-7 figure salary but a heart which is an inch larger.’

The Missing Compassion

Rockstar was a mind blowing movie, hope many would agree to that. No I am not going to comment on the film in any way. I just want to highlight one part of the film where the canteenwala teaches JJ about the importance of having heartbreak or pain in life to be like Jim Morrisson or a Rockstar?

I know my first post on Thinking Action says that even I tried this theory and it worked for me as well. But with time and experience people do change and even I have. In fact I come across many people my age or younger to me who think pain is the way. Create it and show it wearing pearls of your talent.

Now the point is how with time have we changed so much that now we don’t understand pain without feeling it? Where has our sensitivity gone? Where have those days gone when pain used to be the binding factor and not the hit and trial method to be someone big?

In our day to day lives how we take people for granted and never even think about what they want?

How many men who claim that they love their wives actually help them in the household chores? Yesterday I came across a couple who are doctors by profession with no time at all for living life and are going to Florida next month for a one month course. But still in the middle of all this when husband reads newspaper and refreshes himself with some sports channel. His wife cooks and cleans ‘their’ home. I don’t think people ever realize that wives are also human beings and they also need some time off. For those who think that every lady on this earth loves cooking and it acts like a stress buster for them, let me clarify this IT’S A MYTH. Not all women wish the same.

Moreover, another point that I wish to highlight is it is not a women’s duty to manage house but still she does everything out of love. Now the question is what do the men who claim they love their wives unconditionally do? Shouldn’t you be a part of everything that needs to keep a house running? Or is it the comfortable norm of the society for many because of which we have missed the word ‘compassion’ ???

Moving on to some common yet uncommon issues like a person who finishes his sentence in the jail and wants to starts his life a new is simply denied of any opportunity. This ultimately leads to guilt and depression that takes them back to the roads which they wanted to leave behind.

Again we need to think that it could have been me or any relative of mine. There are several ways through which we can take precautionary steps. But we are quite happy in our comfort zone with a large number of options to replace him at least. 

I don’t understand exactly when we started playing the role of a brainless breed. Maybe capitalism is the reason but how can a theory become a way of life? How we regularly feed greed but not compassion, morals and other better parts of our personality? 

Anyways I have not written this post because I wish you to change but to see how have we commercialized ourselves this much that emotion have become the next big thing on season sale.

Is it Me or You?

                                                      
I never understand why the world is the way it is? I mean why men have certain role to play and women the other certain. Even if according to stories Eve was the one who ate the apple and was punished for the same. Why women are physically weak and they are made to pay for it in every possible manner? When I look back, am reminded of some incidences with some particular people am always like 'Really am I living in the 21st century?'

For this I would like to share some instances. Instances because I don't have any solution or opinion because I believe am a part of both 'the solution and the opinion'.

So, to begin with am a part of a family where father thinks a woman is born for a man and has no use in this world besides giving birth to children. Whereas my mother thinks a woman has all the right to be herself on her own always. And then there is this young daughter who is a rebellion when it comes to her respect and status in the society. 

Thinking of my father definitely disappoints me and I believe his change in attitude could have made our lives better. 

Then I had this dear friend whom I left because of his thoughts about women. I would like to share this particular conversation that confirmed his deletion from my book of life. We were just talking about our plan for life ahead. He like most of the men said, ' Since I am already in a good job and will see promotion would like to marry a beautiful girl and get settled.' And I was like yeah man you mean pretty, fair and dumb girl who should only listen to you and should not utter a word all through her life. Then came my turn and I said, I would like to establish myself and then will enjoy my life and sleep with whom so ever I like but he just blurted 'what you'll be a slut'? and I was like Helloooo who are you to tag me.... 

So, this instance told me even those guys who belong to well-educated families are unable to digest a woman of her own choices. It is also very disappointing because when you look around and find so many well-mannered men around you can never be certain about what they will teach their children and how will they keep their wives.

With this I am reminded of a particular article that my friend shared with me recently. I must say that it was a thought provoking piece by a blogger. This made me realize how men behave even in love towards their ladies which instead of making them feel stronger makes them feel inferior.

http://allamericanindiangirl.wordpress.com/2011/09/24/gaslighting-yashar-alis-brilliant-piece-on-the-sneakiest-ways-the-society-stifles-its-women/

This also reminds of some stances that I read in a book recently. Author of the book rightly remarks that in various countries why women face problems is because their are judged on the basis of their virginity and then to how many sons she gives to the family. The problem is in many parts of our society even today people don't think of women more than a machine for giving birth. And her virginity is such a big issue of honour for men that they choose women, the easy victim. Probably that's why Congo has become the rape capital of the world. Not only this but just to keep male hunger satisfied nobody stops lower class girls being forced into prostitution.

Also, the author gave another interesting yet worth noticing fact which said in the aggressive countries like America, Afghanistan and many more that have male surplus population increase in even 0.01% of male population can lead to up to 4% increase in conflict.

Recently, I attended a workshop on 'Gender and Sexuality' where even though I went with some different agendas on my mind but fortunately ended up learning much more. I learnt about behaviours that since birth of the girl child make her feel inferior. Nobody answers us in time about periods, masturbation, sex and nobody gives us logic behind why a guy roaming only in bermudas is fine but not a girl. 

I hope above instances gave you some insight of how mena nd this society hampers our growth.

According to me fortunately or unfortunately solution lies in two things:

*Women should respect women (no matter what)

I reached this conclusion after a lot of thinking and discussions. But to give a reason what I have is I have often seen well- qualified women who give those same remarks  many times 'look at her, what is she wearing, it looks so vulgar' or a girl who dates two-three guys is characterless... why do we have to comment..why?

*I believe we have the power to teach men around us that we deserve our share of respect. So, we can work on this like I am doing with my dad.

But yes I do not deny the fact that this time our change requires you dear men <3 to change.

*This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women. More entries to the Blogathon can be read atwww.mustbol.in/blogathon. Join further conversation on facebook.com/delhiyouth & twitter.com/mustbol

Writing ... Why and How .. ???

I always wanted to be a writer. Writers, they have always been a cause of fascination in my life. I always had this amazing feeling by their vision. Words allure me by the magic they create on readers. I wanted this wand and this magic broomstick to ride me all over the sky.

But finally, I started writing two years ago to be precise on 4 May 2009 at around 4:00p.m. Well, I remember it that accurately because that was the day when my first 'more then just friendship relation' saw its end. It was just the type I asked for. A faceless, Voiceless and future less relation and still we had our moments. The end of this relation fulfilled my wish of being a writer. As through what I had read and observed since then I believed that to be a writer one should go through immense pain so, that one can actually understand complexities of life because of which writing will come out straight from the heart .. I know this may sound silly to many ..:P:P:P

But the end of this relation and beginning of fulfillment of my desire presented in front of me a question on life. Do we actually need someone to be with in our life? After this I felt like we actually don't need anyone in our lives, what we need is just an ear and a heart which should listen to us, support us, motivate us, show us what love is and what life is. But since the end of that relation gave me a medium of expression if not for life but for now I feel I am complete through my pages, pen, pencils and erasers who  play the role of ear, heart, supporter, motivator and lover <3<3<3

Now after completing two years of this journey, dream turned into reality. I am at this juncture where I am not in search of myself but in the process of building myself. I wish to make this as a very honest account of my 'Story of Creation'. So, I welcome everyone who visits 'Thinking Action'. Hope in the space between Thinking and Action we'll be able to find a better part of ourselves.

Welcome!!!!