Sunday, 29 January 2012

Yahi Soch to Badlni hai… Really?

By now we all are well aware of the Stayfree ad campaign that says ‘yahi soch to badalni hai’. The campaign through its varied theme ads is not only highlighting women empowerment but also a social, economic and cultural change.

But this also made me think about how periods is one topic that we rarely share with males present in our life. Ofcourse, considering the scenario I spare the role of a father and a brother but I am still unclear why my sub-conscious mind is making me do so. ‘Me’ using the word ‘sub-conscious’ for barrier is another example of how girls in our society are conditioned to grow up. 

As a child I could not ask my mother why I should keep periods as a secret part of my life. Even when I am in severe pain I should not reveal the reason behind to my brother or father even if they are the only ones who are available for help. Why?

‘Help’ this takes me back me to the days when my mother was going through her menopause. During the initial stages of this process my mother was in dire need of my father’s support emotionally, mentally and physically. But unfortunately he was not there. Why? May be because he never took it as a big problem or even a problem at the first place.
Reason behind this is simple when women will never make males realize how this is not a problem but a natural process. How are we going to see the change?

As a child when I had to keep this as a secret it gave me a sense of shame and shame is often associated with dirtiness or badness, which is simply not the case. How in the world a natural process that occurs in the body of half the human population can be bad or dirty?

Interestingly when I asked my mother about why we should not talk about this in front of father, brother or boyfriends few days ago. My mother replied, ‘I don’t know sweety, it’s the way we were taught’.

She realized it after living 30years with the process where her secret life resulted in her loneliness at the time when she needed her partner the most.

This brings me to the grave concern of how we are deliberately creating a society where we are adding to our sufferings and axing our support system. 

Besides this how men grow shamelessly insensitive towards females just because they can connect blood loss physical pains but not emotional imbalances that we suffer. 

Now the question is are we doing our bit when even media is fulfilling its responsibility of creating change? Are we teaching our daughters, younger sisters or friends to talk and share? 

May be calling for a bigger change begins by sharing the truth about your monthly pains. So, all the Lovely Ladies out there no need to hesitate ‘Its Natural, Not A Sin’.

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Untitled Society of Children

Few days ago when a friend of mine and I were having a chat. This chat was nothing extra-ordinary but it left both of us thinking for days together. It was about our dreams, dreams that are free from professional or personal burden and are just dreams, our dreams.

Interestingly we shared same dream, we wanted to work for 'child sexual abuse', neither the victim nor cases but simply child sexual abuse. As among us he is the curious one, he immediately started the reserach work and came out with names of a few organisations that were dealing with the problem. But sadly he could came across organisations that welcomed only women or girls, victims or volunteers. It was shocking that how even organisations that deal with the grave issue are not even open to the idea that when its about children, boys are equally vulnerable. 

Statistics say that 1 out of every 3 girls has seen some kind of abuse and 1 out of every 5 boys faces abuse before he crosses 18. Now, like you even I don't believe on these figures, but just because you don't rely on numbers, it does not mean that the problem does not exist. For those who don't believe it, study Congo currently crowned as rape capital of the world. You will realise how even men are being raped there. Yes, men who are tall, young and we believe are there to protect women are also going through the same pain.
I still remember Oprah Winfrey's show where once she invited males who have seen abuse as a child. No matter from whom but they have. I was stunned and felt bad at the same time that situation is equally bad even today with no knowledge, no help.

The worst thing that I came across in my study so far was reaction of our surroundings. How it differs from women to men. Women still receive compassion, support and sympathy in some or the other form but males, what about them? Specially in patriarchal society like ours where masculinity has a definite definition. It doesn't allows males to play the victim but certainly he has all the right to play the devil.

Now the point is how to fulfill our dream? How to learn and help because dealing with the problem is a bigger task than what we all can even imagine. 

I thought about this a lot had word with many (people from different age groups and lifestyles) and came to conclusion that we just cannot kill this. But we can reduce the number of children whose childhood gets raped before even they realise what the word 'rape' stands for.

The only way we can come over this is by educating our children as soon as possible. I know educating is the problem. It involves delicate questions like what is the right time, at what age, how should we do it so that there are negative effects on the child's brain and many more.

But then I say that was what exactly my friend and I wanted to learn, teach and help ourselves with.

At the end I would like to share a very well written article that I feel is a must read for whosoever is reading mine.

* I am not interested in explaining how a child feels after the incident. How he/ she becomes a victim for life. But if you really want to understand just have a look around because numbers not necessarily are always wrong.
*To the victims who are reading, its good if you come out and do what you think is best to free yourself. As I don't practically believe in theory of forgiveness so I would have done whatever I thought would have been best for me. But make sure that whatever you do should pave a way for others to learn, for good... coz God has chosen you for spreading goodness around.