Yahi Soch to Badlni hai… Really?

By now we all are well aware of the Stayfree ad campaign that says ‘yahi soch to badalni hai’. The campaign through its varied theme ads is not only highlighting women empowerment but also a social, economic and cultural change.

But this also made me think about how periods is one topic that we rarely share with males present in our life. Ofcourse, considering the scenario I spare the role of a father and a brother but I am still unclear why my sub-conscious mind is making me do so. ‘Me’ using the word ‘sub-conscious’ for barrier is another example of how girls in our society are conditioned to grow up. 

As a child I could not ask my mother why I should keep periods as a secret part of my life. Even when I am in severe pain I should not reveal the reason behind to my brother or father even if they are the only ones who are available for help. Why?

‘Help’ this takes me back me to the days when my mother was going through her menopause. During the initial stages of this process my mother was in dire need of my father’s support emotionally, mentally and physically. But unfortunately he was not there. Why? May be because he never took it as a big problem or even a problem at the first place.

Reason behind this is simple when women will never make males realize how this is not a problem but a natural process. How are we going to see the change?

As a child when I had to keep this as a secret it gave me a sense of shame and shame is often associated with dirtiness or badness, which is simply not the case. How in the world a natural process that occurs in the body of half the human population can be bad or dirty?

Interestingly when I asked my mother about why we should not talk about this in front of father, brother or boyfriends few days ago. My mother replied, ‘I don’t know sweety, it’s the way we were taught’.

She realized it after living 30years with the process where her secret life resulted in her loneliness at the time when she needed her partner the most.

This brings me to the grave concern of how we are deliberately creating a society where we are adding to our sufferings and axing our support system. 

Besides this how men grow shamelessly insensitive towards females just because they can connect blood loss physical pains but not emotional imbalances that we suffer. 

Now the question is are we doing our bit when even media is fulfilling its responsibility of creating change? Are we teaching our daughters, younger sisters or friends to talk and share? 

May be calling for a bigger change begins by sharing the truth about your monthly pains. So, all the Lovely Ladies out there no need to hesitate ‘Its Natural, Not A Sin’.

Untitled Society of Children

Few days ago when a friend of mine and I were having a chat. This chat was nothing extra-ordinary but it left both of us thinking for days together. It was about our dreams, dreams that are free from professional or personal burden and are just dreams, our dreams.

Interestingly we shared same dream, we wanted to work for 'child sexual abuse', neither the victim nor cases but simply child sexual abuse. As among us he is the curious one, he immediately started the reserach work and came out with names of a few organisations that were dealing with the problem. But sadly he could came across organisations that welcomed only women or girls, victims or volunteers. It was shocking that how even organisations that deal with the grave issue are not even open to the idea that when its about children, boys are equally vulnerable. 

Statistics say that 1 out of every 3 girls has seen some kind of abuse and 1 out of every 5 boys faces abuse before he crosses 18. Now, like you even I don't believe on these figures, but just because you don't rely on numbers, it does not mean that the problem does not exist. For those who don't believe it, study Congo currently crowned as rape capital of the world. You will realise how even men are being raped there. Yes, men who are tall, young and we believe are there to protect women are also going through the same pain.

I still remember Oprah Winfrey's show where once she invited males who have seen abuse as a child. No matter from whom but they have. I was stunned and felt bad at the same time that situation is equally bad even today with no knowledge, no help.

The worst thing that I came across in my study so far was reaction of our surroundings. How it differs from women to men. Women still receive compassion, support and sympathy in some or the other form but males, what about them? Specially in patriarchal society like ours where masculinity has a definite definition. It doesn't allows males to play the victim but certainly he has all the right to play the devil.

Now the point is how to fulfill our dream? How to learn and help because dealing with the problem is a bigger task than what we all can even imagine. 

I thought about this a lot had word with many (people from different age groups and lifestyles) and came to conclusion that we just cannot kill this. But we can reduce the number of children whose childhood gets raped before even they realise what the word 'rape' stands for.

The only way we can come over this is by educating our children as soon as possible. I know educating is the problem. It involves delicate questions like what is the right time, at what age, how should we do it so that there are negative effects on the child's brain and many more.

But then I say that was what exactly my friend and I wanted to learn, teach and help ourselves with.

At the end I would like to share a very well written article that I feel is a must read for whosoever is reading mine.

http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/11/14/now-give-your-uncle-a-kiss/

Note:

* I am not interested in explaining how a child feels after the incident. How he/ she becomes a victim for life. But if you really want to understand just have a look around because numbers not necessarily are always wrong.

*To the victims who are reading, its good if you come out and do what you think is best to free yourself. As I don't practically believe in theory of forgiveness so I would have done whatever I thought would have been best for me. But make sure that whatever you do should pave a way for others to learn, for good... coz God has chosen you for spreading goodness around.

Is it Me or You?

                                                      
I never understand why the world is the way it is? I mean why men have certain role to play and women the other certain. Even if according to stories Eve was the one who ate the apple and was punished for the same. Why women are physically weak and they are made to pay for it in every possible manner? When I look back, am reminded of some incidences with some particular people am always like 'Really am I living in the 21st century?'

For this I would like to share some instances. Instances because I don't have any solution or opinion because I believe am a part of both 'the solution and the opinion'.

So, to begin with am a part of a family where father thinks a woman is born for a man and has no use in this world besides giving birth to children. Whereas my mother thinks a woman has all the right to be herself on her own always. And then there is this young daughter who is a rebellion when it comes to her respect and status in the society. 

Thinking of my father definitely disappoints me and I believe his change in attitude could have made our lives better. 

Then I had this dear friend whom I left because of his thoughts about women. I would like to share this particular conversation that confirmed his deletion from my book of life. We were just talking about our plan for life ahead. He like most of the men said, ' Since I am already in a good job and will see promotion would like to marry a beautiful girl and get settled.' And I was like yeah man you mean pretty, fair and dumb girl who should only listen to you and should not utter a word all through her life. Then came my turn and I said, I would like to establish myself and then will enjoy my life and sleep with whom so ever I like but he just blurted 'what you'll be a slut'? and I was like Helloooo who are you to tag me.... 

So, this instance told me even those guys who belong to well-educated families are unable to digest a woman of her own choices. It is also very disappointing because when you look around and find so many well-mannered men around you can never be certain about what they will teach their children and how will they keep their wives.

With this I am reminded of a particular article that my friend shared with me recently. I must say that it was a thought provoking piece by a blogger. This made me realize how men behave even in love towards their ladies which instead of making them feel stronger makes them feel inferior.

http://allamericanindiangirl.wordpress.com/2011/09/24/gaslighting-yashar-alis-brilliant-piece-on-the-sneakiest-ways-the-society-stifles-its-women/

This also reminds of some stances that I read in a book recently. Author of the book rightly remarks that in various countries why women face problems is because their are judged on the basis of their virginity and then to how many sons she gives to the family. The problem is in many parts of our society even today people don't think of women more than a machine for giving birth. And her virginity is such a big issue of honour for men that they choose women, the easy victim. Probably that's why Congo has become the rape capital of the world. Not only this but just to keep male hunger satisfied nobody stops lower class girls being forced into prostitution.

Also, the author gave another interesting yet worth noticing fact which said in the aggressive countries like America, Afghanistan and many more that have male surplus population increase in even 0.01% of male population can lead to up to 4% increase in conflict.

Recently, I attended a workshop on 'Gender and Sexuality' where even though I went with some different agendas on my mind but fortunately ended up learning much more. I learnt about behaviours that since birth of the girl child make her feel inferior. Nobody answers us in time about periods, masturbation, sex and nobody gives us logic behind why a guy roaming only in bermudas is fine but not a girl. 

I hope above instances gave you some insight of how mena nd this society hampers our growth.

According to me fortunately or unfortunately solution lies in two things:

*Women should respect women (no matter what)

I reached this conclusion after a lot of thinking and discussions. But to give a reason what I have is I have often seen well- qualified women who give those same remarks  many times 'look at her, what is she wearing, it looks so vulgar' or a girl who dates two-three guys is characterless... why do we have to comment..why?

*I believe we have the power to teach men around us that we deserve our share of respect. So, we can work on this like I am doing with my dad.

But yes I do not deny the fact that this time our change requires you dear men <3 to change.

*This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women. More entries to the Blogathon can be read atwww.mustbol.in/blogathon. Join further conversation on facebook.com/delhiyouth & twitter.com/mustbol

A Silent Promise

Eyes,
Eyes was the road
from where our
story began.
From the very
moment I saw you
my eyes found no other way
to go but yours.
The day when I
introduced myself to you
Even you didn't realise
that something
happened to you.
At first you fended off
from looking at me.
But then you
realised... its of no use
anymore.
Like mine even your
heart recognised,
Something beautiful was
already living between us.
And the time was
not right so..
mutually through our eyes
we left words
aside.
Moving slowly
and
our silence decides
though this road has
long diversions
but it doesn't ends
alone.

Writing ... Why and How .. ???

I always wanted to be a writer. Writers, they have always been a cause of fascination in my life. I always had this amazing feeling by their vision. Words allure me by the magic they create on readers. I wanted this wand and this magic broomstick to ride me all over the sky.

But finally, I started writing two years ago to be precise on 4 May 2009 at around 4:00p.m. Well, I remember it that accurately because that was the day when my first 'more then just friendship relation' saw its end. It was just the type I asked for. A faceless, Voiceless and future less relation and still we had our moments. The end of this relation fulfilled my wish of being a writer. As through what I had read and observed since then I believed that to be a writer one should go through immense pain so, that one can actually understand complexities of life because of which writing will come out straight from the heart .. I know this may sound silly to many ..:P:P:P

But the end of this relation and beginning of fulfillment of my desire presented in front of me a question on life. Do we actually need someone to be with in our life? After this I felt like we actually don't need anyone in our lives, what we need is just an ear and a heart which should listen to us, support us, motivate us, show us what love is and what life is. But since the end of that relation gave me a medium of expression if not for life but for now I feel I am complete through my pages, pen, pencils and erasers who  play the role of ear, heart, supporter, motivator and lover <3<3<3

Now after completing two years of this journey, dream turned into reality. I am at this juncture where I am not in search of myself but in the process of building myself. I wish to make this as a very honest account of my 'Story of Creation'. So, I welcome everyone who visits 'Thinking Action'. Hope in the space between Thinking and Action we'll be able to find a better part of ourselves.

Welcome!!!!