My Cracked Feet

Being a professional who belongs to the elite print industry will draw a very sophisticated image of me in front of many (I guess!). Actually I am quite an untidy person when compared with the societal norms of playing role of a girl. I realize the fact that spending, in a way is the only rescue to my present condition. It can save me from looking the way I look, mismanaged. Spending on myself will actually make me a whitey- tidy girl whom guys would like to date (again I guess!). Yeah, 22 yet single that is me! Anyways that is not the issue. The issue is spending even 1/4^th (or whatever part) of what we spend on clothes, saloons, spas etc. can actually help someone in filling his stomach or educating himself.

Why I am writing this article is because I myself feel abashed. What to choose, between the grooming standards of today and the almost cracked segment of our society?

I have been meeting a very beautiful and courageous lady from past 5 months. She is 25 years old with three kids, an alcoholic husband whom she left behind. Sadly this brought her back to her family who work hard to make sure that she should not live peacefully. Why? Simple reason she is a girl and now not just a liability but also a stain on the family name. She lives with her younger brother just to fulfill the ‘Male Protection’ regulation of our society. This brother treats her like a trash, beats her in front of anyone at any point of time. Still she is struggling hard to feed and teach her children well. But in the salary of just 4k she hardly manages to feed her children properly. Witnessing all this first hand made me think on how we know what is the meaning of poverty but seldom do we realize what it actually means???

I know that this sounds like an age old story and I am just being emotional. I’ll not deny this. But just because millions among us share the same story and we cannot change everyone, should this stop us from doing what we can do even for one? I don’t think so.

I have decided to be a human and help her till the day I can. Honestly, even I don’t earn a very handsome amount. Belong to the middle segment of the lifestyle economics table. But the lesson which I have learnt in these 5 months is very precious. ‘In order to bring change you don’t need a 5-6-7 figure salary but a heart which is an inch larger.’

The Missing Compassion

Rockstar was a mind blowing movie, hope many would agree to that. No I am not going to comment on the film in any way. I just want to highlight one part of the film where the canteenwala teaches JJ about the importance of having heartbreak or pain in life to be like Jim Morrisson or a Rockstar?

I know my first post on Thinking Action says that even I tried this theory and it worked for me as well. But with time and experience people do change and even I have. In fact I come across many people my age or younger to me who think pain is the way. Create it and show it wearing pearls of your talent.

Now the point is how with time have we changed so much that now we don’t understand pain without feeling it? Where has our sensitivity gone? Where have those days gone when pain used to be the binding factor and not the hit and trial method to be someone big?

In our day to day lives how we take people for granted and never even think about what they want?

How many men who claim that they love their wives actually help them in the household chores? Yesterday I came across a couple who are doctors by profession with no time at all for living life and are going to Florida next month for a one month course. But still in the middle of all this when husband reads newspaper and refreshes himself with some sports channel. His wife cooks and cleans ‘their’ home. I don’t think people ever realize that wives are also human beings and they also need some time off. For those who think that every lady on this earth loves cooking and it acts like a stress buster for them, let me clarify this IT’S A MYTH. Not all women wish the same.

Moreover, another point that I wish to highlight is it is not a women’s duty to manage house but still she does everything out of love. Now the question is what do the men who claim they love their wives unconditionally do? Shouldn’t you be a part of everything that needs to keep a house running? Or is it the comfortable norm of the society for many because of which we have missed the word ‘compassion’ ???

Moving on to some common yet uncommon issues like a person who finishes his sentence in the jail and wants to starts his life a new is simply denied of any opportunity. This ultimately leads to guilt and depression that takes them back to the roads which they wanted to leave behind.

Again we need to think that it could have been me or any relative of mine. There are several ways through which we can take precautionary steps. But we are quite happy in our comfort zone with a large number of options to replace him at least. 

I don’t understand exactly when we started playing the role of a brainless breed. Maybe capitalism is the reason but how can a theory become a way of life? How we regularly feed greed but not compassion, morals and other better parts of our personality? 

Anyways I have not written this post because I wish you to change but to see how have we commercialized ourselves this much that emotion have become the next big thing on season sale.

Happy Beginning

Yes, I know it’s been days that Valentine’s Day has passed and I am late to share my views on it. But actually I was in the turmoil of whether I should even write this or not as it should not be disappointing or should not sound repetitive.

Eventually I realized that this is not how writing works. Writing is something much more dearly to me than anything else and yes, we can discuss that some other time for sure. 

So it all began in my childhood when I heard those magical stories that used to define love as an amazing feeling and most of us used to fall for this. Due to this all of us grew up secretly but crazily curious thinking about ‘that mystery woman or man’ for whom we take chances all through those years of adolescence and after. In the mean while we go through all those brutal break ups that teach us about life and people all together. However for me all this process of dating and going out comes as an exciting idea of learning and growing.

Anyhow in real it has been a different game for me. I have seen so many bad, fraud, false marriages that mere existence of this ‘sacred institution’ is so baffling to me. I simply never understood what love is coz wherever I saw people getting married and I could sense some conspiracy that involves all other sort of reasons than love.  

Now on the other hand I have been a die-hard romantic, secretly reading mills and boon and weaving all those dreams of living life in the arms of my partner. All this used to really frustrate me as I would always fail to figure out what I want and who I am. 

And Valentine’s Day is one another day when my frustration will reach peaks in the desire of a beloved and a part of me fighting the same desire.

But this Valentine ’s Day was different as it took me to some really beautiful people who sketched their own love stories. One of them is my sister and the other is my best friend. I could never really believe that love exists and it does changes people in a more than positive way, but they made me believe all this through them.

Both of them share some common traits like stubbornness, egocentric and lack of expression. Now this does not mean that they do not love people or they themselves are bad but I think we all have some people like them around and many of you can relate to what am I specifically referring to.

My sister who never saw anyone in this world as a living being (except herself) suddenly started feeling for her parents if not for me. Sigh! But it’s okay. She suddenly had all those family values in her which somehow I could never even imagine she knew of. And my best friend, miser of all misers suddenly started spending on her phone lavishly so that she could stay connected with her love 24/7. She is the same person who in a way restricted my college life through her busy and a self restricted schedule, is now all the time out with him. Gosh! All this is frustrating but nevertheless the point to focus is on the fact how love unfolded them into a better person and an open person.

To refresh myself I always used to watch those lovely romantic movies where man always treats his love of life as his life. But I always used to end up with doubts in my head that does this really happen? Is it really true?  Do things like these really happen? And one day I received a mail from my dear friend in which she referred me a book ‘He’s just not that into you’. Man that book and movie are both worth giving your time if you are like me :P Girl who is single but confused about, what is what in love? I can say that I actually feel really calm after reading and watching that movie and of course seeing those things happening in front of me in the form of my sister and bestie falling in love.

Therefore, all this and more this Valentine’s day that happened gave me a wider and reliable view of what is love? 

So we just have to wait not hunt for our mystery person <3

Yahi Soch to Badlni hai… Really?

By now we all are well aware of the Stayfree ad campaign that says ‘yahi soch to badalni hai’. The campaign through its varied theme ads is not only highlighting women empowerment but also a social, economic and cultural change.

But this also made me think about how periods is one topic that we rarely share with males present in our life. Ofcourse, considering the scenario I spare the role of a father and a brother but I am still unclear why my sub-conscious mind is making me do so. ‘Me’ using the word ‘sub-conscious’ for barrier is another example of how girls in our society are conditioned to grow up. 

As a child I could not ask my mother why I should keep periods as a secret part of my life. Even when I am in severe pain I should not reveal the reason behind to my brother or father even if they are the only ones who are available for help. Why?

‘Help’ this takes me back me to the days when my mother was going through her menopause. During the initial stages of this process my mother was in dire need of my father’s support emotionally, mentally and physically. But unfortunately he was not there. Why? May be because he never took it as a big problem or even a problem at the first place.

Reason behind this is simple when women will never make males realize how this is not a problem but a natural process. How are we going to see the change?

As a child when I had to keep this as a secret it gave me a sense of shame and shame is often associated with dirtiness or badness, which is simply not the case. How in the world a natural process that occurs in the body of half the human population can be bad or dirty?

Interestingly when I asked my mother about why we should not talk about this in front of father, brother or boyfriends few days ago. My mother replied, ‘I don’t know sweety, it’s the way we were taught’.

She realized it after living 30years with the process where her secret life resulted in her loneliness at the time when she needed her partner the most.

This brings me to the grave concern of how we are deliberately creating a society where we are adding to our sufferings and axing our support system. 

Besides this how men grow shamelessly insensitive towards females just because they can connect blood loss physical pains but not emotional imbalances that we suffer. 

Now the question is are we doing our bit when even media is fulfilling its responsibility of creating change? Are we teaching our daughters, younger sisters or friends to talk and share? 

May be calling for a bigger change begins by sharing the truth about your monthly pains. So, all the Lovely Ladies out there no need to hesitate ‘Its Natural, Not A Sin’.

Untitled Society of Children

Few days ago when a friend of mine and I were having a chat. This chat was nothing extra-ordinary but it left both of us thinking for days together. It was about our dreams, dreams that are free from professional or personal burden and are just dreams, our dreams.

Interestingly we shared same dream, we wanted to work for 'child sexual abuse', neither the victim nor cases but simply child sexual abuse. As among us he is the curious one, he immediately started the reserach work and came out with names of a few organisations that were dealing with the problem. But sadly he could came across organisations that welcomed only women or girls, victims or volunteers. It was shocking that how even organisations that deal with the grave issue are not even open to the idea that when its about children, boys are equally vulnerable. 

Statistics say that 1 out of every 3 girls has seen some kind of abuse and 1 out of every 5 boys faces abuse before he crosses 18. Now, like you even I don't believe on these figures, but just because you don't rely on numbers, it does not mean that the problem does not exist. For those who don't believe it, study Congo currently crowned as rape capital of the world. You will realise how even men are being raped there. Yes, men who are tall, young and we believe are there to protect women are also going through the same pain.

I still remember Oprah Winfrey's show where once she invited males who have seen abuse as a child. No matter from whom but they have. I was stunned and felt bad at the same time that situation is equally bad even today with no knowledge, no help.

The worst thing that I came across in my study so far was reaction of our surroundings. How it differs from women to men. Women still receive compassion, support and sympathy in some or the other form but males, what about them? Specially in patriarchal society like ours where masculinity has a definite definition. It doesn't allows males to play the victim but certainly he has all the right to play the devil.

Now the point is how to fulfill our dream? How to learn and help because dealing with the problem is a bigger task than what we all can even imagine. 

I thought about this a lot had word with many (people from different age groups and lifestyles) and came to conclusion that we just cannot kill this. But we can reduce the number of children whose childhood gets raped before even they realise what the word 'rape' stands for.

The only way we can come over this is by educating our children as soon as possible. I know educating is the problem. It involves delicate questions like what is the right time, at what age, how should we do it so that there are negative effects on the child's brain and many more.

But then I say that was what exactly my friend and I wanted to learn, teach and help ourselves with.

At the end I would like to share a very well written article that I feel is a must read for whosoever is reading mine.

http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/11/14/now-give-your-uncle-a-kiss/

Note:

* I am not interested in explaining how a child feels after the incident. How he/ she becomes a victim for life. But if you really want to understand just have a look around because numbers not necessarily are always wrong.

*To the victims who are reading, its good if you come out and do what you think is best to free yourself. As I don't practically believe in theory of forgiveness so I would have done whatever I thought would have been best for me. But make sure that whatever you do should pave a way for others to learn, for good... coz God has chosen you for spreading goodness around.

Is it Me or You?

                                                      
I never understand why the world is the way it is? I mean why men have certain role to play and women the other certain. Even if according to stories Eve was the one who ate the apple and was punished for the same. Why women are physically weak and they are made to pay for it in every possible manner? When I look back, am reminded of some incidences with some particular people am always like 'Really am I living in the 21st century?'

For this I would like to share some instances. Instances because I don't have any solution or opinion because I believe am a part of both 'the solution and the opinion'.

So, to begin with am a part of a family where father thinks a woman is born for a man and has no use in this world besides giving birth to children. Whereas my mother thinks a woman has all the right to be herself on her own always. And then there is this young daughter who is a rebellion when it comes to her respect and status in the society. 

Thinking of my father definitely disappoints me and I believe his change in attitude could have made our lives better. 

Then I had this dear friend whom I left because of his thoughts about women. I would like to share this particular conversation that confirmed his deletion from my book of life. We were just talking about our plan for life ahead. He like most of the men said, ' Since I am already in a good job and will see promotion would like to marry a beautiful girl and get settled.' And I was like yeah man you mean pretty, fair and dumb girl who should only listen to you and should not utter a word all through her life. Then came my turn and I said, I would like to establish myself and then will enjoy my life and sleep with whom so ever I like but he just blurted 'what you'll be a slut'? and I was like Helloooo who are you to tag me.... 

So, this instance told me even those guys who belong to well-educated families are unable to digest a woman of her own choices. It is also very disappointing because when you look around and find so many well-mannered men around you can never be certain about what they will teach their children and how will they keep their wives.

With this I am reminded of a particular article that my friend shared with me recently. I must say that it was a thought provoking piece by a blogger. This made me realize how men behave even in love towards their ladies which instead of making them feel stronger makes them feel inferior.

http://allamericanindiangirl.wordpress.com/2011/09/24/gaslighting-yashar-alis-brilliant-piece-on-the-sneakiest-ways-the-society-stifles-its-women/

This also reminds of some stances that I read in a book recently. Author of the book rightly remarks that in various countries why women face problems is because their are judged on the basis of their virginity and then to how many sons she gives to the family. The problem is in many parts of our society even today people don't think of women more than a machine for giving birth. And her virginity is such a big issue of honour for men that they choose women, the easy victim. Probably that's why Congo has become the rape capital of the world. Not only this but just to keep male hunger satisfied nobody stops lower class girls being forced into prostitution.

Also, the author gave another interesting yet worth noticing fact which said in the aggressive countries like America, Afghanistan and many more that have male surplus population increase in even 0.01% of male population can lead to up to 4% increase in conflict.

Recently, I attended a workshop on 'Gender and Sexuality' where even though I went with some different agendas on my mind but fortunately ended up learning much more. I learnt about behaviours that since birth of the girl child make her feel inferior. Nobody answers us in time about periods, masturbation, sex and nobody gives us logic behind why a guy roaming only in bermudas is fine but not a girl. 

I hope above instances gave you some insight of how mena nd this society hampers our growth.

According to me fortunately or unfortunately solution lies in two things:

*Women should respect women (no matter what)

I reached this conclusion after a lot of thinking and discussions. But to give a reason what I have is I have often seen well- qualified women who give those same remarks  many times 'look at her, what is she wearing, it looks so vulgar' or a girl who dates two-three guys is characterless... why do we have to comment..why?

*I believe we have the power to teach men around us that we deserve our share of respect. So, we can work on this like I am doing with my dad.

But yes I do not deny the fact that this time our change requires you dear men <3 to change.

*This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women. More entries to the Blogathon can be read atwww.mustbol.in/blogathon. Join further conversation on facebook.com/delhiyouth & twitter.com/mustbol

A Silent Promise

Eyes,
Eyes was the road
from where our
story began.
From the very
moment I saw you
my eyes found no other way
to go but yours.
The day when I
introduced myself to you
Even you didn't realise
that something
happened to you.
At first you fended off
from looking at me.
But then you
realised... its of no use
anymore.
Like mine even your
heart recognised,
Something beautiful was
already living between us.
And the time was
not right so..
mutually through our eyes
we left words
aside.
Moving slowly
and
our silence decides
though this road has
long diversions
but it doesn't ends
alone.